It may have been the 120 oxycodone. It may have been being punched in the throat by a total stranger.It may have been the day I was raped by 10 15 year old boys that laughed when I shit blood. It may have been a thousand other things. But I died yesterday.
Rather... Who I was died. Go to http://www.partyattheworldend.com - go to http://www.joinmycult.org - go to http://www.citizen-y.com go to 404 Documents and start to put together the pieces before writing your own books, making your own movies, paintings -- or whatever it is that you are going to go on to do.
We kill ourselves every day and ask to be re-assembled in the pieces? Please let that life mean something ... but who i was today died today and like all deaths he is not ever coming back no matter how much you wish otherwise. there is nothing more to create here. all the pieces are for you to find in those places. and if you care you will find them there and become one of the children of the new aeon. but this, here, ends right now.
I don't know who comes next. And this flesh may be reborn in new forms. Life is amazing like that. But who I was is no more. So search for him in the pieces I've left for you.
A friend directed me to your blog.
ReplyDeleteI've been in your shoes, I know your pain. That was almost 10 years ago.
I had a mustard seed's worth of hope left, but that was all it took.
The person I used to be did die that day, but a new person was reborn... the person I wanted to become. Yes, it was a hard and painful journey; but it IS possible.
I know from our mutual friend that you have people around you that love you dearly. Focus on those people and they will help you through the journey; they will carry you until you are strong enough to stand on your own.
Just PLEASE, don't give up... There is a light at the end of the tunnel and blessings beyond what you can conceive.